it was ward temple night yesterday and instead of being surrounded by young single adults i knew, i found myself in a sea of twelve year olds. i was disappointed and admittedly scared that i was on my own, but now i'm grateful for the experience. that might have been the very first time (at least that's what my memory tells me) that i have attended the temple by myself. i'm not sure why i waited eleven years to go alone, i think i just always had someone to go with. it was a small step out of my comfort zone (being alone in my room i like, being alone anywhere else i hate) but it was also a giant step in.
when people ask me about my plans to serve a mission i wonder why it is i'm going and if i really should. for the longest time the only answer i had was because heavenly father wants me to. i denied, ignored, and pushed aside that "serve a mission" revelation, and only after he had reminded me for the millionth time did i finally accept that this is where my life was heading. serving for 18 months will be a giant step out of my comfort zone, but last night's small step gave me a little insight. i realized that it's not as scary as i thought, that i'm never really alone, and that serving and loving others is what life is all about.
while i'm going because heavenly father wants me to, i'm also going because i love him, i love the gospel, and i want to share that same joy with others. i might not know the scriptures or doctrine very well, but i do know that the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints is the true church and that it was restored to the earth by the prophet joseph smith. i know that the book of mormon is the word of god, families can be together forever, and we are blessed with modern day prophets that guide us today. i know that prayers are heard and answered and that temples are a sacred sanctuary in our ever worsening world. i know that we are all children of a loving heavenly father, who personally knows us, and we can return to live with him again if we but keep the commandments and utilize the atonement. i know that christ died for me and i truly stand all amazed. i know that the holy ghost comforts me, guides me, and helps me know that things are all true and worth sharing.
i feel like i just barely slid my foot into that i'm going because i want to go answer, but barely is where great beginnings take place. this is the answer i've been wanting to say but unsure of for so long; i'm serving a mission because i want to. i know it will be hard, i know i will miss out on life events at home, but i know that if only one person accepts the gospel because of me it will all be worth it. all this came from attending the temple by myself, all this was an answer to my prayers.
