Let yourself notice

I was at the Visitors' Center the other day and was asked to share what I've learned serving as a full-time missionary. I've only been here for three months, but I have learned A LOT. Do you have a million years to sit & listen? Because I have at least ten million lessons I've learned so far. There is one lesson that stands out most to me though, and it's this: God loves me.

It was a regular Monday afternoon, the busy kind where we prepare ourselves for the upcoming week. Everything seemed fine, but then in an instant it wasn't. The tears came and they just would not stop. It's not unusual for me to cry, I'm an emotional person, but really?... again?! My poor companion! Let it be known that I have the most wonderful, patient, and forgiving companion out there (shout out to Sister Mendenhall!). We battled my bad day with some bottomless french fries, ice cream, and writing letters. As I was writing my parents, a thought popped into my head. I was reminded of a story I had heard numerous occasions about a young Gordon B. Hinckley serving a mission in England...

"As a new missionary serving in Preston, England, Elder Gordon B. Hinckley was facing a major trial in his life. He was sick when he arrived in the mission field, and he quickly became discouraged because of the opposition to the missionary work. At a time of deep frustration, Elder Hinckley wrote in a letter to his father that he felt he was wasting his time and his father’s money. A little while later, Elder Hinckley received a reply from his dad. It said, “Dear Gordon, I have your recent letter. I have only one suggestion: forget yourself and go to work."

Forget yourself and go to work, that's the part of the story that had always stood out to me. But this time it was different, this time Heavenly Father had a different message for me. It had finally donned on me... I'm not the only missionary who struggles! It was in that moment that I realized I'm not alone. I have missionaries around me who go through similar challenges, I have loving friends & family back home who support me and pray for me, my Mission President and his wife are the most amazing, caring, selfless people I know, and then there's my Heavenly Father, my Heavenly Mother, and my Savior - Jesus Christ. I am not alone.

Just a few days later I received a letter from my dad written the exact same day, talking about the exact same story, highlighting the exact same point. In that moment it was reaffirmed... God loves me. If God loves me, then of course He loves YOU! It's no accident that the very first principle we teach as missionaries is that God is our loving Heavenly Father. I promise with all my heart that Heavenly Father knows and loves you on a very personal level. He wants to help you and is waiting to hear from you, let yourself notice how much He loves you.

pics of the week

loving the new dress sent from home [and striking a typical Kylee pose]
cleaning the church [missionaries get bathroom duty]

 

sister’s spreading [yellow] sunshine

big news email

big news of the week: WE GET IPADS TOMORROW!

i am so so excited! i'm at the forefront of online proselyting, i'm seriously so excited for the opportunity this will be for our mission, and i know that heavenly father sent me to serve in this exact place at this exact time so that i can be a part of this online work!

we got to go to the temple on friday, it's always a relief to go to the temple. more so now than ever before. life as a missionary is very busy, and my mind is constantly full of to-do lists and other people. it's when i go to the temple that my mind moves in a different direction. i went this time hoping to find an answer on how i could be a happier missionary. don't get me wrong, i'm not necessarily unhappy, but i'm also still adjusting. i don't always feel like i'm as happy as i could or should be. i prayed that this time i would get an answer as to how i could be happier. it wasn't until we got to the celestial room that my answer came. the very first thing i noticed were people. sister mendenhall who had forgotten her recommend that day had gotten a hold of president cooke and had made it into the temple. sister busath, my very best friend here who i never get to see anymore was there right across from me, and sister chapman was having a rough day. i noticed people. as i started to pray, i prayed for each of them first. that was my answer. in order for me to be happy here i need to serve and think of others first. it starts with my companion and the missionaries around me. we might not have investigators to teach right now and care about right now, but i can care about and serve everyone else around me.

we have 4 shifts at the VC this transfer, so we're there quite a bit. i still don't particularly like the calling room, but i don't hate it as much as i used to. i still don't like that we call and teach on our own, it really helps me appreciate companionships. i do have 2 new investigators online that i've been teaching. i met cliff at the VC during Festival and have been in contact with him ever since. we won't let me send missionaries yet, but he does let me call and we talk about the gospel, and i pray that even though i feel like i don't know what i'm doing half the time, i pray that something i say helps him better understand the gospel and ultimately strengthen his relationship with christ. emmanuel was someone who called in to order a free bible. i offered to have missionaries drop it by and also share a spiritual message, and he said yes! he lives in texas! he has been meeting with missionaries, reading the BOM, and even said he would go to church this sunday! i'll call him this week and find out how it was!

did i tell you that last week we helped some guy get his car out of the snow? he had been trying for at least 15 minutes, maybe even more. we were doing companion study, and as sis. mendenhall closed with prayer she asked that the man trying to get his car out would be able to do so soon. it was after we prayed that i suggested we go out with our roommates and push his car for him. and so we did. four sister missionaries walked out in skirts and pushed this guy's truck out of the snow. thinking back on it now, i see how important it is to act. to not just pray for things to happen, but to act in order to receive the things you pray for. we must first do all that we can do, and then the lord will take care of the rest.

love you all so much! thank you for your love, your support, your letters, and your prayers! i had time to write a few letters last monday, so hopefully you got those!

a holiday, a snow day, a late email

i can finally email! turns out sister rowley is very dependent on emailing home to feel stress relief and happiness in her life each week. monday was a holiday & then yesterday we had a snow day (i still think it's so weird that they shut everything down when it snows here). but, i'm here now and have a list of great things to talk about!

i met the most amazing family in the VC the other night! it was a typical slow night, and sis. mendenhall was helping another sister with her new sister training (I FINISHED MINE THIS WEEK!!! WHAT A RELIEF!). so i was just sitting on the bench waiting for people to come in (it's been realllly slow because january is just a slow month in general and then the temple was closed for cleaning until yesterday). a family starts walking in and i still didn't have a companion so i whispered to sister graff (my very first VC district leader who helped me so much) to come be my companion. and then we met the Farmer family. it really is true that Heavenly Father prepares the hearts of people. Yes, we meet a lot of people who aren't interested but we also meet people like the Farmers who are more than ready to hear and accept the gospel! It was a mom, two teenage sons, and a younger daughter - the dad was in the car with the baby. We taught them about the temple and they were all just nodding in agreement and soaking in everything we were teaching. when she asked what they needed to do to go inside the temple i was reminded of an answer someone once told me they gave - essentially the gospel of jesus christ: 1. have faith in christ 2. repent 3. be baptized 4. receive the gift of the holy ghost 5. endure to the end. it was such a great conversation and as sister graff handed them the referral card she just started filling it out with much of an explanation. it was as if the holy ghost was speaking to them without us even opening our mouths, he told them that this is what they needed to do to receive all the blessings we were talking about. they wanted missionaries! just like that they accepted the invitation to keep learning from missionaries! she walked out of the VC that night with pretty much anything she could get her hands on - a temple pamphlet, a pamphlet about joseph smith, the family proclamation, and even a worksheet about family history. we now get to use FB at the VC so i get to keep in contact with them that way as well as calling them and teaching them over the phone as they continue to meet with missionaries! i pray that they will remember the spirit they felt at the VC and that they will desire to act on the things they are taught from the missionaries.
I had a really cool personal study the other day. I was feeling frustrated with the area I'm in and started thinking that I hadn't seen any progress since it started. I was reading in Alma 55:10 where the Lamanites refuse to wait to drink the wine they were being offered, they were obsessed with instant gratification. I saw that as my answer from Heavenly Father... He doesn't work by giving us instant gratification. We wouldn't appreciate the goodness of this group if in one transfer everything fell into place. Just like we learn bit by bit, we also gain success bit by bit. I was also reminded that I can't expect myself to be a perfect missionary in just three transfers. I still have a lot to learn and that's okay. I will still have hard days because being a missionary is hard, but I am grateful that the hard days are less frequent and that I bounce back quicker too. I'm discovering that missionary work is very different than what I expected it to be. We don't teach as often as I thought I would (i don't even remember that last time i taught a lesson - not counting the ones i teach in the VC). we do a lot of reactivation work and seek for less actives. at first i felt annoyed because it seemed as though that was the work of the members, but i am slowly started to see that my purpose is to help others come unto christ and that doesn't mean i only teach and help those who are not members of the church. members need help just as much as non-members do! i actually discovered that the other night at our FHE we did for our YSAs at the VC. we focused on missionary work and invited some of the members to share their testimonies. a convert, and a girl i have grown to really love, shared her story and also mentioned that she was recently thinking of leaving the church. my heart broke. i realized then that she needs my love and help. i pray that i can be that for her, that i can know what to say and do to help her feel god's love for her. our FHE, although small in numbers, was amazing. the spirit was really there and i think everyone (including me) felt a new desire to serve the lord to the best of our abilities.

i made japanese chicken salad this week!! makes me happy to have food that i enjoy. i'm super sick of frozen stuff and i really miss having homemade meals from mom. it's hard only having 1 hour to make & eat meals. it's also hard to plan ahead a full week. (the microwave chicken method worked so great mom! i didn't have saran wrap, but i used tupperware and it worked out great!) now i just need some orange rolls :]

so we have an "I'm a mormon" exhibit at the VC and there are a bunch of videos about different mormons from all over the world. i was being an investigator for one of the new sisters doing her new sister training and we were watching a video about kevin. he's a skateboarder from draper utah. i had seen it before and was thinking oh, cool! draper! pretty much my home! and then there is the part where he talks about going to church... IT'S OUR STAKE CENTER! i got so excited! so, if you meet some kid named kevin who likes to skateboard and he would probably be YSA age (unless he's married now), who has a mormon video, that's him!

well, time is short! so grateful for everyone and especially grateful for the prayers on my behalf, i feel them and need them so thank you!
LOVE YOU ALL!

- sister rowley

saved the best [pics of the week] for last…

 

more pics of the week

I FINALLY WENT TO THE CITY FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY!!!! best p-day ever!!!

i felt so alive again, i felt like i was being me. i had my camera out and was able to take pictures like i normally do. THANK GOODNESS FOR P-DAYS IN THE CITY!!!

 

pics of the week

P-day in the city! Up at 4:30 to make it by sun rise!

 

email | not my vision, the lord's vision

friends! family! how is everyone?!?! i have so many stories that i want to share, i forget to ask how you are all doing! i want details about your lives!! and pictures too, you know how much i love pictures!

it was a great week here in maryland! there were a few hard moments, but for the most part i had a great week! i thought we would become mostly-pros sisters, but we actually have 4 shifts at the VC so we do a lot of back & forth throughout the week.

so i've written home about “P” before right? he is the one who seeks only for the facts and doesn't look or listen with his heart. i always had anxiety when we were teaching him, i had never felt the spirit in those lessons. sister mendenhall and i had one last lesson with him - it was also sister mendenhall's first lesson with him. you know the scripture that says by small and simple things you will confound the wise? (alma 37:6) we totally experienced that!!! we invited him to read the BOM multiple times, and he continued to be his usual slightly contentious self. we really really testified and told him how much we love The Book of Mormon and how we know it to be true. There came a point where the Spirit was so strong in the room. Sister Mendenhall was sharing her testimony and I just started crying. I knew that what she was teaching was true. I also shared my testimony and afterwards “P” was literally confounded by our small and simple love for such a wonderful book. He got up, said he couldn't formulate his thoughts, and said he had to go to the bathroom. He then ran out of the room, literally ran. He came back 2 seconds later - definitely not enough time to go to the bathroom - and still didn't know what to say. He wouldn't commit to read the Book of Mormon, but he felt the spirit. He knows and and we know it, but he doesn't want to acknowledge it (YET). Even if “P” didn't gain anything from that night, I did. My own testimony of the Book of Mormon grew so much that night and I am so grateful that Heavenly Father gave me that experience. When we prayed that night as a companionship, we prayed that The Holy Ghost would continue to "bother" “P” so that his heart would be softened. I was so excited about that experience, that when I next saw President Cooke I made sure to tell him the short version of the story. You know you have a good story when you get a fist bump from the mission president after telling it :]

i was asked to speak in church on Sunday. The Bishop asked me to talk about my vision of missionary work in the group and the home ward we are connected to and to share some faith building, missionary inspiring experiences. I-was-stressing. You know me and my need to quietly prepare in my room. I was really struggling, and was lucky enough to be on shift at the VC on a rather slow night. I was able to get permission from a VC trainer to work on my talk for an hour or so. MAJOR TENDER MERCY. I said a vocal prayer (something I have learned to really appreciate here as a missionary) and from that point on things worked out. Heavenly Father gave me the guidance I was looking for. I was able to actually focus and write down what I was feeling and thinking. I ended up going a different route with my talk because it's not my vision of missionary work that matters, it's the Lord's vision. So that's what I talked about! I focused on love and used the Matthew 22: (37-39ish) scripture. Even though it doesn't say missionary or work in that scripture, those verses are all about missionary work. There is no other way to do missionary work than with love, NO OTHER WAY. I just now thought about Uncle Eric's question to me in one of my letters, asking for advice on what he can do. Honestly, it doesn't matter what you do as long as it's with love. Love for your neighbors and love for the Lord. I talked about how the very first principle we teach in the first lesson of PMG is "God is our loving Heavenly Father". Think about that, that is the VERY first thing we talk to people about! I then shared my story from last week where I knew that Heavenly Father loved me because he had inspired both me and Dad to think about President Hinckley's mission experience. That was a huge testament to me that God really does know and love me. I was the last speaker, which means I didn't know how much time I would end up having, but everything worked out so great. I was even able to work in something the youth speaker said about how Lamen and Lemuel were complaining about not understanding and Nephi asks them if they had asked God. They hadn't and because of that, they hadn't received the answers and experiences that Nephi had. I invited everyone to think about that and their missionary work and now I invite YOU! Have you prayed about? Have you knelt down and asked Heavenly Father specifically how you can be a member missionary? Have you asked him who you can share the gospel with? What are you waiting for?!!? An answer is a result of a question being asked. After my talk we got a referral from one of the home ward families!!!!! BEST THING EVER! We're going to their house on Sat. for breakfast where we will meet the girl they met when they went out to dinner. Ola is her name! I'm so so so excited! I'll tell you all about it next week!

also, everyone watch this talk. WATCH/LISTEN, don't just read it.
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/10/the-first-great-commandment?lang=eng&query=first+great+commandment

Love you all so much! Keep writing, your letters make my day! I'm sorry I'm not very good at writing back, I don't know how my missionary friends ever had time to write me.

Love, Sister Rowley

pics of the week

one of many Christmas trees at the VC. the dolls are from the embassies. followed by a happy new year!
   

the week i legitimately felt happy to be here

yesterday i really learned that heavenly father loves me so much. last monday, december 30th, i was having a really rough day. sister mendenhall and i ended up going to red robin to de-stress and just "have fun" (one of sister rowley's biggest challenges while being a missionary). i ended up writing a letter home that day and as i was writing a thought popped into my head. it's a story we've all heard before, where president hinckley talks about his experience as a new missionary and not wanting to be there. he writes home and tells his dad that he should just come home and stop wasting his dad's money. his dad writes home "forget yourself and go to work". i have always focused on the "forget yourself and go to work" part of the story, but on that monday i was struggling heavenly father helped me see that everyone struggles! even someone who became a prophet of the church struggled on his mission! i felt so comforted to know that and decided to share those thoughts in my letter home. mail was dropped off at the VC yesterday, so last night i was reading a letter from dad. the letter was written on december 30th, the VERY same day! at the end of his letter he mentioned that exact same story and pointed out the exact same things i did! of course i started crying. HEAVENLY FATHER IS SO AWARE OF ME AND LOVES ME SO MUCH! He gave me and Dad the very same prompting and spiritual guidance. my testimony of God's love for me grew so much. my testimony of personal revelation also grew. and then my testimony of a father's ability to receive revelation for his children grew too. IT WAS JUST SOOOOO AMAZING! i can't get over it! as i was saying my prayers last night my heart felt like it was going to burst. i felt so much love for my family, for heavenly father, and i felt his love for me. best prayer in a long time.
sis. mendenhall and i gave an amazing tour at the VC saturday night. it was for joseph, a 35 year old guy how has been investigating since about February. the tour was originally supposed to happen on friday, but it was cancelled. it was later rescheduled for saturday and then cancelled again that night. we had half joked that what we had planned was obviously not what heavenly father wanted us to share. what happens is the missionaries currently teaching the investigator call the VC and tell them what they want the lesson to be about and if they have a specific video they want to see they also tell us that. they wanted us to talk to joseph about coming to church, wanted us to re-teach him the first lesson (the restoration) and also wanted us to extend a conditional baptismal invitation, meaning we invite him to be baptized WHEN he comes to know that what we are teaching him is true. we had this nice lesson that focused a lot on the restoration. and then it was cancelled for the second time. we ran downstairs into the sisters lounge to grab something, and passed a guy sitting in a chair in the corner. when we came back upstairs we decided we were going to talk with him. he was walking toward us (perfect!) so we said hi and found out his name... JOSEPH! it was the very same guy who we were supposed to teach!!!! he ran to the bathroom, we called the sisters who called in the tour who then said they could be there in 10 minutes! MIRACLE! so we're getting to know joseph while we wait for the other sisters and while we're talking we discover that he works with motorcycles and then he says something like, "i wouldn't make a good mormon". sis mendenhall listened to the spirit and took him over to the "i'm a mormon" wall and showed him the video about jeff -http://youtu.be/xgyx20W9qY4  we told joseph that there was no cookie-cutter way to be a mormon. the other sisters had shown up halfway through and then we took joseph to the 8 stories room (i'm so excited to show you that when you get here - watch the district 2 before you come!). the story about jon is what the sisters wanted us to share with joseph. we had previously planned this great lesson that allowed us to really lead into the movie we were about to show. i started to worry that we wouldn't know how to introduce the movie and relate it to joseph. and then the spirit helped me out! i told him that even though there is no cookie-cutter way to be a mormon, there are certain things that we are all asked to do ie] pray, read scriptures, go to church, etc. i focused on church and bore testimony of church. sister mendnehall also bore strong testimony of church. long story short, we watched the movie, the spirit was so strong, and then his sisters invited him to come to church and i also invited him to be baptized once he knows this church is true!! it was just a really really great lesson and i knew i was being lead by the spirit.
transfers happen on wednesday and good news, sis mendenhall and i are staying together and staying in the seneca singles!!!!!!!!!! proof that prays are heard and answered. i'm excited to continue working here with the YSA group and also excited to stay w/ sis mendenhall. she has helped me so much. i feel like i owe a lot of this new found happiness to her. i feel like for the first time i had a really really good week where i was legitimately happy to be here. there are some changes being made though. salt lake has asked us to make some areas for the sisters full proselyting. you know how the temple square sisters get sent out into the field for 3 months or so so they have the opportunity to not just to a VC but also fully proselyte? well, they really want to send some of their sisters here. i've been told that this mission is one of the best missions ever. one of the most obedient, and one that really makes a difference for all missions (ambassador and diplomat night - these people are hugely important to letting us send missionaries all over the world. we have to be on our best behavior always so people see how great missionaries are). so they are sending some sisters to be full-pros and also asking some of us current sisters to be full-pros. we aren't sure yet who that will be, but some of it will depend on the area they are in. it's possible that ours will become a full-pros or at least a mostly-pros. so there will be 2 comps. in full and 6 others in mostly-pros (they will only have like 1 shift at the VC per week) and then the rest will continue the usual schedule with 3-4 shifts at the VC and also time in the area. i think we'll at least become a mostly-pros, but that's just my guess. we will find out soon!
when festival ended, the cooke's invited us over for a pajama party! all the sisters got to spend 9am-3pm in pajamas relaxing. BEST THING EVER! they fed us breakfast, fed us lunch, let us watch it's a wonderful life (made me think of you dad - and yes i cried). and also let us watch brave. i played harry potter clue with some of the other sisters. loved my life! you should probably buy some HP stamps and send them my way - i feel HP deprived.
time is up! i'll write again next week!
LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!
thank you for praying for me and thinking of me. i miss you, but i also know this is where i'm supposed to be and what i'm supposed to be doing. missionary work is the hardest/best thing in the world.
love, Sister Rowley

pics of the week

Christmas Eve Dinner …

          

97 thousand people, 1 purpose, and a never ending holiday

I survived Festival of Lights! I'm going to go ahead and add that to my list of major life accomplishments. We had over 97-thousand people come into the Visitors' Center during festival... people from all over the world! Brazil, India, Nicaragua, China, El Salvador, Utah (hey, hometown!), Alaska, California, Texas, and even the Saudi Arabian prince! Different cultures, different religions, 97-thousand different people all coming together for one purpose... to celebrate Christmas. As my companion and I talked with people from all over the world, we were able to help them remember what Christmas is all about. We boldly and sweetly testified of Jesus Christ, and shared with others how much He means to us. Whether they realized it or not, everyone left the Visitors' Center with much more more than they expected to find. An increased knowledge of The Church of Jesus Christ, a deeper love for the Savior, a greater understanding of what makes a temple so special, and even increased feelings of love for their families. I think I gained just as much as they did, if not more. My love for The Savior has grown so much these past couple of months, as I have had the opportunity to daily bear testimony of Him. I know that He lives and that He knows me personally. I know that all the difficulties I'm going through as a new missionary are difficulties He has experienced already. I know He wants to help me if I but humbly ask.

The trees are coming down and the lights are turning off, but Christmas never really ends. The true meaning of Christmas is one that should be celebrated all year long. I invite you to do just that, to live with the spirit of Christmas daily. Why would anyone want to live a day without remembering Jesus Christ?