1st Letter [from the mtc]

FAMILY! FRIENDS! I'M HERE!

i have so much i want to say, so i'm warning you now that i might have spelling errors and crappy grammar - i'd rather say more than say it perfectly.

yesterday was a tough day for me. i had my first teaching experience and found out what they mean when they say "the MTC is hard". my companion and i both felt that our lesson didn't go well and - you know me, miss perfectionist - struggled with it throughout the entire day. i pretty much lost it during the last hour or so of the our final classroom instruction. it was personal/companion study time, and my companion and i were once again struggling to know what to teach our investigator. 

sidenote: we teach our investigator as though he were real, even though it's just a role play in which our teacher pretends to be an investigator. we have two teachers, sister smith and brother sardoni. brother sardoni (or jess, as we know him when teaching him) is who our investigator is. sister smith must have been prompted by the spirit last night, because she came up to our companionship to help us. she then sort of focused on me for a while because she could tell that i was struggling. i am SOOO grateful for her; for her words of wisdom, for her kindness, and for her willingness to listen to me. i think i needed that, an opportunity to voice my concerns and current frustrations. although i feel the spirit EVERY DAY here (which is amaaaaaazing!!) i also find times that i feel like i'm not - which is what it felt like when we were teaching jess. i'm recognizing though, that the fault is mine. i need to be more humble, but at the same time i also need to be patient. patient with myself, for i am only brand new at this missionary stuff, and patient with god, because revelation comes when he sees fit, not when i think i need it.

read ether 12:27. that's the scripture sister smith shared with me last night. she focused on the word grace and reminded me that i need to humbly submit myself and the lord will fill in the rest. i was also reminded that weaknesses are meant to strengthen. the lord is trying to teach me something right now and i just need to figure out what it is (ps. totally that weird sister missionary who is crying while sitting in front of the computer right now). i did a little personal scripture study time (i still haven't had time to finish reading the book of mormon with those book notes dad copied for me - most of our study time is spent studying FOR our investigators, not ourselves - which is an entirely different way of studying that i am still trying to understand). in my studies last night i found the most perfect scripture for what i'm dealing with:

moroni 9:6

6 And now, my beloved son, notwithstanding their hardness, let us labor ^adiligently; for if we should cease to ^blabor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God.

i was reminded that i need to stick with it. i have no desire to return home, and quite honestly i haven't missed home at all. of course i love you guys and miss spending time with you, but i love the MTC and the things i am learning here, and especially the spirit that is here. i need to continue to labor diligently here in the MTC, for the lord has a specific labor for me to perform. i also really loved that little concept "tabernacle of clay" - it reminded me that i need to be like clay and allow the lord to mold me. i can't continue to be the kylee i was before, but i need to more full envelop the role of sister rowley and allow the lord to shape me into the person i am meant to become. i was called to this work for a reason and i'm grateful that the lord has confidence in me, i need to work on being more confident in myself/his ability to help me.

despite my struggles, I LOVE IT HERE. my companion is great (a tender mercy from heavenly father), her name is sister holland (no relation - everyone asks). we have two other roommates sister fifita and sister busath) and we all love each other. we basically go everywhere as a foursome. we all arrived on the same day, are all serving in washington DC north, and we all leave the MTC on the same day.

food is... meh. definitely cafeteria food. my first experience with the food was awful. i got some sort of wrap and basically hated it. my companion hated it as well, plus none of us were hungry at 4pm so it was just not a very good experience. we had papa johns pizza last night and i was in heaven.

i have to email my branch president today too (he reminds me a great deal of president olsen, which is very comforting). the entire branch presidency is wonderful. so since i need to email him, i'm going to do that real quick and then if i have time, i'll come back and send another email. if not, know that i love you all so much and i'm so grateful for your love, support, and especially your prayers (crying again). LOVE YOU!!!!

- sister rowley

The reality of being a new missionary

I loved the MTC! It was like being at the best summer camp with the best people, best spirit, best knowledge, and worst food (stick with the cereal, embrace the cafeteria lines, and celebrate on pizza night). You have to remember, serving a mission wasn't my plan. It was God's plan. So, when I got thrown into the action of missionary work I suddenly saw it was just that – work. Hard work! And it through me for an absolute loop. People tell you it's going to be hard but you either disregard such thoughts or fail to comprehend them altogether. This blog isn't going to be entirely rainbows and butterflies, I experienced some real challenges on my mission and I'm not afraid to admit that. But here's the thing to keep in mind, the Lord will not let us fall. Remember the "brotherly hands and determined arms that reached into the abyss of death to save us from our fallings and our failings, from our sorrows and our sins" (Elder Jeffery R. Holland, Where Justice, Love, and Mercy Meet). I wasn't falling to my death in the MTC, but I was indeed falling. God's grace is enabling, and I experienced that enabling power as a missionary time and time again.



September 27, 2013

First meal in the MTC was the worst meal. WORST MEAL EVER. For all those future missionaries out there, avoid the wraps and take into consideration 4pm dinner time.
We were split into three groups, each taking turns teaching different investigators. I learned the importance of kneeling for prayer and the power of singing hymns.

I had my first teaching experience and found out what they mean when they say "the MTC is hard". My companion and I both felt that our lesson didn't go well and - you know me, miss perfectionist - struggled with it throughout the entire day. I pretty much lost it during the last hour or so of the our final classroom instruction. It was personal/companion study time, and we were once again struggling to know what to teach our investigator. We went in with a message prepared and tried to make that work instead of individualizing the message. I'm experiencing the overwhelming "how can I do this?" feelings that come when learning to be a good missionary.

Overwhelmed and frustrated. I need to really pray for help and confidence.

And when I had said this, the Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness; And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them (Ether 12:26-27).

the beginnings of a missionary

It's day two. They certainly keep you busy here, which is good though because you have no time to miss home. We ate at Cubby's before my parents dropped me off. Skipping lunch might've been a good idea. I didn't feel anxious, I still felt at peace, but my body told a different story. I cried when we first drove past the MTC. Seeing all those elders waiting for the new arrivals just reconfirmed that this is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. My farewell with mom and dad was short and sweet, it's better that way. I met my host who kindly pulled my three bags, hugged my parents, said goodbye, and that was it. I walked away. I remember dad's last words being, "do work" – he had tears in his eyes.

I thought I was fine, but as I walked away the tears just started streaming down, hello waterfall on my face. Everything was very organized, which the perfectionist within was grateful for. Got my nametag, key, ID card, books, room. I saw Tehya (Sister Griffiths now) and it was such a tender mercy to see a familiar face! My companion arrived. She's a very kind girl who definitely has a testimony and personal relationship with Christ. She has already been such a dependable companion, always finding opportunities to serve me.

My district is small, only 4 companionships, but small is great. I love our teachers. They're quite different, but in the perfect sort of way. The spirit here is amazing! When we sing hymns as missionaries… ahhh! I die! I tear up every single time. I downright cry every time I'm asked to pray. Last night my roommates and I said a "family prayer" and I lost it. Not in a homesick kind of way, more of a I feel their love and prayers sort of way. I know they are praying for me all the time.

the MTC

Today, a threesome left the home but only two returned.
Sister Rowley will spend the next three weeks
training and preparing to serve the world in Washington DC.
Her setting apart on Tuesday night was meaningful and powerful.
It was personal and shared with close family and a few friends.

Wednesday morning was peaceful.
We ate breakfast together as a family,
sent little sister back to Idaho for school,
and packed her bags: two suitcases and a carry-on…
filled with everything she needs for the next 18 months.
Lunch together was a must.
Customary pre-drop-off photos too.
(I forgot my camera, so Instax and cell phone sufficed.)

Before we knew it 1:30 arrived.
I can’t remember a time when a morning passed so quickly.
It all happened so fast.
We drove up to the curb, pulled out her luggage,
and before we knew it,
goodbyes were said,
hugs were exchanged
and all of a sudden…
she was gone.

exciting news

and a little insert from sister bullock's mission blog
"Big announcement: So the big meeting on my year mark was to tell us that we are now an online proselyting mission! What? It's weird... I don't like it yet. But maybe with time it will get better. You know, like when I actually start teaching people through facebook instead of just seeing that everyone and their dog got married in the past year. (Weird.)"

i have felt it before, and i feel it again, it is NOT a coincidence that i have been called to serve in the washington dc north mission. nor is it a coincidence that i have been asked to serve at this particular time when the hastening of the work is heading in a new direction – online proselyting! it is very evident that heavenly father knows the strengths and weaknesses of every missionary and that he places them in an environment where they will both flourish and grow.

i spoke in church and said farewell

i'm warning you now, this post is long, but i hope you take the time to read it anyways. preparing this talk was a very spiritual experience for me, one that reaffirmed my decision to serve a mission. it was the first time i had ever been asked to prepare a talk that would last longer than 2 minutes (yeah – that's right, i'm the girl who somehow avoided the call to speak in church for years. the only time i was asked to speak in my singles ward was on easter, and even then it was more of a 3 minute testimony). writing a long talk felt impossible at first, but the holy ghost was my companion and together we created this…

I want to start off by saying how grateful I am for this opportunity to be here in front of so many I love, sharing the one thing I love most, the gospel. I don't particularly enjoy public speaking, but I’ve come to realize that the blessings that come from studying and preparing far outweigh the horrors of public speaking. I hope you learn as much from the spirit today as I learned while preparing.

While most of us know what the commandments are and who they came from, how often do we take the time to really think about why it is we follow them? is it out of fear? is it because our parents told us to? or… do we keep the commandments because we love heavenly father, his son – our savior, jesus christ, and this wonderful gospel they have blessed us with? I hope you’re all silently cheering in your heads right now “that one, that one! that is why we follow the commandments!”

I want to read some scriptures that can be found in matthew 22, starting with verse 37 (through 40).
"Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets" – in these few lines of scripture, Jesus Christ teaches us that at the heart of all these "do's and don'ts" is a focus on loving God and loving the people around us.

So, the first great commandment: love the lord with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. let’s go back to the scriptures, this time to John 14 verse 15, “If ye love me, keep my commandments” – that scripture is so short, so simple, yet so powerful. if you take the time to look at the footnotes, you’ll discover that there is so much more to it. for example, the word “keep” can become more meaningful as we include the word “duty”. as members of the church, we have a duty – a responsibility and obligation – to keep the commandments of god. we’re given these commandments to help us become the kind of people who can one day return to live with our heavenly father. he provides the pathway, the commandments, and we must then use our agency to follow them and ultimately fulfill our duty as spirit children of god.
when people hear the word commandments they sometimes see it as a negative thing, a whole bunch of rules that tell us what we can and cannot do. let’s return to john 14:15 – “if ye love me, keep my commandments” now think of commandments as commitments instead. “if ye love me, keep your commitments”. do you see how the word commitment brings a whole new light and understanding to the topic? a commitment is the state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc.. it is an agreement or pledge to do something. to commit is to show your  allegiance, attachment, constancy, and dedication. to commit is to be devoted, faithful, loyal, and steadfast. “if ye love me, keep your commitments”

if we turn the page in our scriptures to john 15:10, we read, "If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love; even as I have kept my Father’s commandments, and abide in his love." – it sort of comes full circle: we keep the commandments because we love god, and when we keep his commandments we then find ourselves in a position to ABIDE in his love. to abide in his love is to remain, to continue, and to stay with… essentially the lord can’t help but pour out his love. I can attest to this – it is at the times in my life when I’m striving to keep the commandments that I feel an increased abundance of love from above.

do you want to be the type of person who honors your duty and commitments to god? do you want to feel an abundance of godly love and heavenly influence in your life? then be the type of person who continuously strives to follow the commandments.

I'd now like to read a quote that comes from Dallin H. Oaks' october 2009 conference address. “God’s love is so perfect that He lovingly requires us to obey His commandments because He knows that only through obedience to His laws can we become perfect, as He is.” – first off, god LOVINGLY requires us to obey his commandments. we’re right back to where we started with this circle of love – god gives us commandments because he loves us, we follow those commandments because we love him, and then we’re blessed with an increase of his love in our lives. and as usual with the lord, we’re given so much more than is ever asked of us. back to the quote… Elder Oaks mentions that “through obedience to his laws we can become perfect” – but here’s the thing, we’re not perfect, and we won’t be perfect in this mortal life we now live. however, we CAN become perfect someday IF we keep the commandments of God AND utilize the atonement of jesus christ.

sometimes we fail to keep the commandments, but even then we must remember that our heavenly father loves us. in that same conference talk, Elder Oaks continues, "If only we will listen, we can know of God’s love and feel it, even when we are disobedient. A woman recently returned to Church activity gave this description in a sacrament meeting talk: “He has always been there for me, even when I rejected Him. He has always guided me and comforted me with His tender mercies all around me, but I [was] too angry to see and accept incidents and feelings as such.” – even when we disobey him, our father in heaven, time and time again, extends his hand of mercy towards us. heavenly father loves us so much that he sent his son to atone for our sins – jesus christ sacrificed himself for our pains, our struggles, and all matter of affliction. he gave us the atonement and we must use it so we can return to live with him someday.

I would now like to use much of President Monson’s latest conference talk from last april, entitled, obedience brings blessings. he expresses it far better than I ever could. He begins, "No greater example of obedience exists than that of our Savior.
Of Him, Paul observed: “Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; (Hebrews 5:8–9.)
The Savior demonstrated genuine love of God by living the perfect life, by honoring the sacred mission that was His. Never was He haughty. Never was He puffed up with pride. Never was He disloyal. Ever was He humble. Ever was He sincere. Ever was He obedient. Though He was tempted by that master of deceit, even the devil, though He was physically weakened from fasting 40 days and 40 nights and was an hungered, yet when the evil one proffered Jesus the most alluring and tempting proposals, He gave to us a divine example of obedience by refusing to deviate from what He knew was right.13   Matthew 4:1–11.) When faced with the agony of Gethsemane, where He endured such pain that “his sweat was as it were great drops of blood falling down to the ground,”14 He exemplified the obedient Son by saying, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.”15 - Luke 22:42."

So, one way we can show and receive love in our lives is to keep the commandments of God. I now want to focus on another means by which love is expressed and obtained. This part of my talk comes from Elder Eyring’s October 2011 Conference Address, and is entitled “A Witness” – I’m certain that Brother Wing was inspired to share that talk with me, could that title be any more perfect for a soon-to be missionary? – that’s what I’m about to become, a full-time witness of Jesus Christ. And how can I best do that? by being CHARITABLE.

According to the Bible Dictionary, charity is “the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love, [it’s] not merely affection; [but rather], the pure love of christ.” – A person filled with the love of God is anxious to bless others. this is exactly why I’m choosing to serve a full-time mission. I didn't always want to serve, in fact, it was the last thing I wanted to do. I kept ignoring the promptings to serve a full-time mission, but the Lord kept persisting, as he usually does.

this is the current kylee, hi! even now the inspiration continues to flow. isn't it neat to think about a god who never gives up? i think this experience in which the lord kept asking me to serve is also a testament that our heavenly father knows us personally, even better than we know ourselves. he knew that with time and through certain experiences i would finally accept that call to serve.

Eventually, I ran out of excuses and accepted that the Lord's plan for me was the plan I needed to accept for myself. Which is exactly what I did – I moved forward in the mission prep process, knowing that I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do. It wasn't until later that I had a change of heart and became the girl who was not only serving because the Lord wanted me to, but also because I wanted to. The circle of love I mentioned earlier played a vitol role in that change of heart. God loves not only me, but also the people I will meet in Washingotn DC. Because of this love, he has asked me to serve an 18-month mission. And, because I love the Lord, I have accepted this call. I have already felt an increase of love in my life as a result of this commitment to serve. Love from family members, neighbors, friends, and even strangers, but most of all I have felt so much love from and for my Heavenly Father ad Savior. the gospel has blessed me in so many ways that I understand what it feels like to anxiously seek the same blessings for others.

as Elder Eyring states in his address, "The Lord is keeping His promise to you as you keep yours. As you serve others for Him, He lets you feel His love. And in time, feelings of charity become part of your very nature." the love circle! heavenly father asks us to serve one another because he loves each of us on a very personal level. we undoubtedly feel god’s love when we take the time to serve others, and if we humbly accept similar acts of kindness, we are once again in a position to abide in His love. As Mosiah 2:17 says, “when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.” simply put, LOVE IS THE CENTRAL THEME OF THE GOSPEL.

"But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure." moroni 7: 47-48

I testify that true happiness in this life comes from living the gospel of jesus christ, keeping his commandments, and seeking opportunities to serve others. I also testify that the atonement is real. it’s personal, it’s everlasting, and it’s perfect. because of christ’s sacrifice we can overcome death and live again with our heavenly father. through the atonement we can be forgiven of our mistakes and shortcomings and re-enter that wonderful path to eternal life. I’m so grateful for this gospel and for the opportunity I have to serve not my mission, but the lord’s mission. the church is true, modern day revelation is real, and the book of mormon is truly another testament of jesus christ. I love this gospel and I’m grateful for a savior who knows me personally. i say these things in the name of jesus christ, amen.

a letter for a sister

can't read it? click on the picture to enlarge it.        

the church at a glance

An inspired call

Hi. I am Heather… Kylee’s mom.
You will see a lot of me here over the next 18 months.

The process by which Kylee’s call came to be is unique.
Inspired, actually.
A series of unusual events lead up to this perfect call.

Kylee had just finished her final, pre-submission interview with her bishop.
Next, was her interview with the Stake President.
The appointment was made for a Sunday afternoon.
Just days before this interview, the President experienced a family tragedy.
(Quite personal, and one I will not share.)
He is such a loving and dedicated man. One who loves the young single adults,
and did not let this tragedy stop the interview from happening.

After a wonderful visit, some words of advise and counsel,
everything was ready to go.
All that was left was the submission by President.
Typically, this is done within days.
The mission call mailed within days of that.

But the residuals of the Presidents tragedy,
coupled with something just not “feeling right”
the papers we not submitted right away.
Another week passed.
Still, no submission.

Weeks after the interview, during a ward activity,
the bishop checked the file once more.
”Assigned” he announced.
That meant that the call would be here.
July 24th to be exact.
We all know how that turned out!

The following Sunday, the Stake President pulled me aside
and explained to me part of the process by which calls are made.
Every 6 weeks, certain missions will typically submit their needs for new missionaries.
Each new week, different missions make their requests.
If, Kylee’s call would have been submitted right away,
the needs in the mission field would have been much different.
The time was only right when the Washington D.C. North Mission
sent in their request for new missionaries.
The Stake President knew that the delay was out of character for him.
He did not know why he waited…. until she received the call.

It was truly inspired. And we know why.
Our loving Heavenly Father KNOWS Kylee.
He knows the people that she will be serving.
He knows that this is where she needs to be.
And, we know it too.

these are a few of my favorite things

i've been trying to soak in every last day i have here in salt lake city. and by soak in, i mean stuff my face with all my favorite foods. i'm just getting a head start on that inevitable weight gain (or so i'm told) that apparently all missionaries experience. but someone please tell me it isn't true, weight gain doesn't have to happen does it? the calories not pictured, but totally worth mentioning: cafe rio, eggs in the city, farr's fresh ice cream, and homemade banana cream pie. i even have a list of places i have yet to eat but deem a must before i leave: chick-fil-a, super grinders, the dodo, and the cheesecake factory. i'll spare you the list of homemade meals and treats i'm dying to eat too… my life has become a giant calorie overload and i don't even care. not only am i enjoying a million last meals before the big departure, but i'm also preparing to experience some other lasts. last time listening to bon iver, last time downloading new music, last time watching seinfeld, last time wearing open toed shoes, last time reading blogs… the list could keep going, but i think we've all had enough lists for one day.

to those who may not know much about the life of a full-time missionary, you might be thinking why on earth would she choose to leave so much behind? and why so many "rules"? there's a reason i can't blog stalk, watch television, or call up my friends. for one, i'll be far too busy. the life of a missionary is like having 5 full-time jobs that last 24 hours, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. needless to say, missionaries work hard. for the next 18 months, my life will be solely dedicated to the work of the lord. he will be my "boss" and my mentor, my mission president will be the "store manager", my companions will be my "co-workers", and my investigators will be the "customers". our "payment"? blessings, happiness, and eternal progression. our "product"? the beautiful, perfect, everlasting gospel of jesus christ. i use quotations in my analogy because i don't want people to think that missionaries try to "sell" anything – no, no! that's not it at all! we don't sell, we share! we share happiness and blessings, we share knowledge and light, we share the gift of the holy ghost and the power of priesthood, we share the words of prophets (both past and present), we share the scriptures (particularly the book of mormon), we share the power of prayer and heavenly love, we share our testimonies and life experiences. we share the truth, the absolute truth. we share the gospel of jesus christ.

i couldn't have picked a better way to spend the next 18 months of my life and i can't think of a better reason to leave so much behind. i love this church i belong to, the church of jesus christ of latter-day saints, and i want to share that with everyone and anyone! and that means you too! missionary work has no departure date or homecoming, missionary work is now and forever. if you have questions or you want to know more, please don't hesitate to ask. if you'd rather explore than ask, start here at lds.org.

be sure to...

it's getting close, real close. i head to the MTC (missionary training center) in 19 days, we've reached the teens now! sometimes i feel ready and excited for the changes, hard work, and joy (oh, there will be so much joy!) my future holds. but others times i feel entirely unprepared and even slightly anxious, i think every missionary feels this way at one point or another, which somehow makes me feel better. i've been perusing sister missionary blogs and even found a bunch of sister missionary tips online (thank you internet!). it was almost surprising how much information is out there for us soon-to-be missionaries – surprising, but also calming and exciting! a great and marvelous work is happening and i'm about to be in the thick of it all.

i've read it at least a dozen times and in multiple places, "make goals for when you return home!" – in other words, give yourself something to do because as hard as the normal life to missionary life transition will be, it's the leaving missionary life transition that really rocks your world. i was sort of stumped at first, because your typical RM (returned missionary) comes home and keeps busy with everything the college life has to offer. i'm a graduate (and thank goodness for that) so my college days are behind me… so what was a girl who hasn't even left on her mission yet supposed to tell her future self to do? i sat, i thought, and then i wrote. the ideas just kept coming and i think i've created a pretty good list. so, this is for that RM i'll someday be in 2015.

i'll go where you want me to go

a song that means more to me now than ever before. | hymn 270 – i'll go where you want me to go