FAMILY! FRIENDS! I'M HERE!
i have so much i want to say, so i'm warning you now that i might have spelling errors and crappy grammar - i'd rather say more than say it perfectly.
yesterday was a tough day for me. i had my first teaching experience and found out what they mean when they say "the MTC is hard". my companion and i both felt that our lesson didn't go well and - you know me, miss perfectionist - struggled with it throughout the entire day. i pretty much lost it during the last hour or so of the our final classroom instruction. it was personal/companion study time, and my companion and i were once again struggling to know what to teach our investigator.
sidenote: we teach our investigator as though he were real, even though it's just a role play in which our teacher pretends to be an investigator. we have two teachers, sister smith and brother sardoni. brother sardoni (or jess, as we know him when teaching him) is who our investigator is. sister smith must have been prompted by the spirit last night, because she came up to our companionship to help us. she then sort of focused on me for a while because she could tell that i was struggling. i am SOOO grateful for her; for her words of wisdom, for her kindness, and for her willingness to listen to me. i think i needed that, an opportunity to voice my concerns and current frustrations. although i feel the spirit EVERY DAY here (which is amaaaaaazing!!) i also find times that i feel like i'm not - which is what it felt like when we were teaching jess. i'm recognizing though, that the fault is mine. i need to be more humble, but at the same time i also need to be patient. patient with myself, for i am only brand new at this missionary stuff, and patient with god, because revelation comes when he sees fit, not when i think i need it.
read ether 12:27. that's the scripture sister smith shared with me last night. she focused on the word grace and reminded me that i need to humbly submit myself and the lord will fill in the rest. i was also reminded that weaknesses are meant to strengthen. the lord is trying to teach me something right now and i just need to figure out what it is (ps. totally that weird sister missionary who is crying while sitting in front of the computer right now). i did a little personal scripture study time (i still haven't had time to finish reading the book of mormon with those book notes dad copied for me - most of our study time is spent studying FOR our investigators, not ourselves - which is an entirely different way of studying that i am still trying to understand). in my studies last night i found the most perfect scripture for what i'm dealing with:
moroni 9:6
6 And now, my beloved son, notwithstanding their hardness, let us labor adiligently; for if we should cease to blabor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God.
i was reminded that i need to stick with it. i have no desire to return home, and quite honestly i haven't missed home at all. of course i love you guys and miss spending time with you, but i love the MTC and the things i am learning here, and especially the spirit that is here. i need to continue to labor diligently here in the MTC, for the lord has a specific labor for me to perform. i also really loved that little concept "tabernacle of clay" - it reminded me that i need to be like clay and allow the lord to mold me. i can't continue to be the kylee i was before, but i need to more full envelop the role of sister rowley and allow the lord to shape me into the person i am meant to become. i was called to this work for a reason and i'm grateful that the lord has confidence in me, i need to work on being more confident in myself/his ability to help me.
despite my struggles, I LOVE IT HERE. my companion is great (a tender mercy from heavenly father), her name is sister holland (no relation - everyone asks). we have two other roommates sister fifita and sister busath) and we all love each other. we basically go everywhere as a foursome. we all arrived on the same day, are all serving in washington DC north, and we all leave the MTC on the same day.
food is... meh. definitely cafeteria food. my first experience with the food was awful. i got some sort of wrap and basically hated it. my companion hated it as well, plus none of us were hungry at 4pm so it was just not a very good experience. we had papa johns pizza last night and i was in heaven.
i have to email my branch president today too (he reminds me a great deal of president olsen, which is very comforting). the entire branch presidency is wonderful. so since i need to email him, i'm going to do that real quick and then if i have time, i'll come back and send another email. if not, know that i love you all so much and i'm so grateful for your love, support, and especially your prayers (crying again). LOVE YOU!!!!
- sister rowley
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