Roped together

Once upon a time I professed my return to blogging and then missionary life happened and blogging didn't. That isn't to say I don't have thoughts and experiences to share, I have LOTS to share. All the best things in life take time though, right?! None of that instant gratification here. Besides, how much more exciting is a random post every few months verses the daily dose of stop blogging already Sister Rowley!?

Now for the good stuff... Last week I was reunited with some of my very favorite people. They are the sort of people that make your heart explode when you see them because there simply isn't enough room for the amount of love you feel. We got to reminisce, talk about the gospel, and bask in feelings of gratitude for Christ and each other. Just one day later I was lucky enough to see those very same people only in a different circumstance. Somebody gave a talk in Stake Conference and I'll give you a hint... it wasn't me!

She shared a message from her heart and did what I've always wished I could do - get up there and just speak by the spirit instead of that awkward word for word reading (guilty!). A convert to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, she talked about how the missionaries tied her unraveled rope back together. I have since been thinking about that unraveled rope and how we as missionaries become unraveled too. Life is hard. No matter who you are, where you're from, or what you're dealing with, you are not alone! These challenges and imperfections were a part of God's plan from the very beginning. God loves all of His children so of course we will all experience both the good and bad in life. Remember, "for it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things" (2 Nephi 2:11). How will we learn to appreciate success and joy if we don't also cross paths with failure and sorrow?

It's been decided then, everyone at some point or another, even multiple times throughout life, holds in their hand that unraveled rope that they alone can't put back together. If we can't tie our own ropes back together, who can? Of course the missionaries can help! In fact, missionaries do a lot of rope tying, it sort of comes with the calling of bringing others closer to Christ. But here's the missionary confession: our ropes aren't always perfectly tied together either. Don't freak out yet... as we help others' reconnect their unraveled ends, we start to tie their rope to ours and together we become stronger and more solid in our standing with Christ and His teachings. Not only do we as missionaries get to tie the ropes of those learning about the church, those struggling to come back to church, or even the active members who just need a little inspiration; but throughout the process of tying others' ropes to ours, we tie both to Christ's rope.

We came to earth with this seemingly perfect rope, but as soon as we stepped foot into the "real world" we discovered things that lead to that unavoidable split. Think about it though, had our ropes not fallen apart, we would've never had the need to be tied back together. If there was no need for a process of re-tying we would have missed the opportunity to latch onto the ultimate rope of strength that belongs to our Savior, Jesus Christ. His is a rope for all. He is the way we overcome our challenges and mistakes. He is indeed the Prince of Peace and the source of true happiness. Because of Jesus Christ and His example, we are individually sought after and made anew. With a fresh outlook on life, a greater understanding of God's love, and a newly tied rope we are then inspired to find those other unraveled ropes so they too can have the fullness of the gospel and an understanding of who they are and how much they are loved.

"And at that day shall the remnant of our seed know that they are of the house of Israel, and that they are the covenant people of the Lord; and then shall they know and come to the knowledge of their forefathers, and also to the knowledge of the gospel of their Redeemer, which was ministered unto their fathers by him; wherefore, they shall come to the knowledge of their Redeemer and the very points of his doctrine, that they may know how to come unto him and be saved" (1 Nephi 15:14).

Lay it at His feet

Imagine this. You're sitting in a room full of people. It's quiet... you're all thinking about the question that has just been asked. What are your regrets? What are the thoughts and actions that plague your mind? What do you wish you could change? You start to go through every little thing that you've been doing wrong. The list gets longer and longer and you start to feel overwhelmed. All your flaws and faults lay before you and you wonder if you can ever overcome them. The perfectionist within is absolutely freaking out.

You move outside. Symbolic of all those regrets are weights, they sit in a pile practically begging to be picked up. Picked up and carried by you and everyone you're with. They come in all different shapes and sizes, similar to the regrets and individuals that surround you. Which weight should you pick? Will it be too heavy? Will you be able to carry it? How far will you have to go? Your regrets are now more than thoughts in your mind, they become physical weights to be carried by you and you alone. Sure, you're surrounded by friends, all of you carrying regrets, but nobody knows exactly how you feel. The sun beats down, the sweat starts dripping, the silence continues. Will this ever end? Will you ever feel relief?

The end is near. Just when you think you can't go any further, back inside you go. It's cooler there, you're protected from the sun. The bugs can't get you anymore, and would you look at that... there are chairs! The best part is yet to come though... no longer do you have to carry the weight alone. There on the stand is a statue of Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of all mankind. His arms are outstretched and you've been told to lay your weight at his feet. You walk up to Him and hand over your burdens, walking away lighter while He takes on the

load every single person was carrying. Not half of it, all of it.

9 For it is expedient that an atonement should be made; for according to the great plan of the Eternal God there must be an atonement made, or else all mankind must unavoidably perish; yea, all are hardened; yea, all are fallen and are lost, and must perish except it be through the atonement which it is expedient should be made. (Alma 34:9)

We did this as missionaries, reflecting on the regrets we have had on our mission thus far. I often worry about how I will feel at the end of my mission. Will I have learned anything? Will I have changed at all? Will I continue to regret those same things or will I had tried harder to change? This experience was exactly what I needed as a missionary who had just reached her half-way mark. It was one of those mighty change of heart experiences, one that empowered me and helped me see that as long as I rely on Jesus Christ, I can do anything! Focusing on the regrets we have is useless. It's important to recognize where change is needed, but dwelling is dangerous and because of Christ, it's unnecessary.

The zone leaders were originally going to assign certain weights to certain people, but we ended up choosing our own, which an elder pointed out, was perfect considering how we often are the ones who weigh ourselves down. We choose to let ourselves be burdened by our past regrets and mistakes, not those around us, and definitely not Heavenly Father. Even when we were seemingly alone, trekking along with our weights in hand and the sun beating down, we were never truly alone. We all had different weights, different regrets, but we were all together, all struggling in one way or another. Sometimes I forget that I'm not the only missionary here or anywhere who struggles. It was cool to visualize that, to see all of us carrying our own weight but knowing that everyone in that entire group was carrying something. Nobody was exempt. Nobody ever is. Life is meant to stretch us, we're here to learn and grow. Trials are an essential, humbling part of this journey we call life.

The power of the Atonement is real. I'm so grateful for Jesus Christ, for His love, His example, and His sacrifice. I'm especially grateful for this experience that has helped me change not only as a missionary, but as a person who is just trying to do her best. These are the type of experiences that help me become who God intends me to be. God has a plan for everyone, mistakes and trials are a part of that plan, but so is The Savior, the one who can help you, me, and everyone. Lay it all at His feet, you don't have to do it alone. 

Let yourself notice

I was at the Visitors' Center the other day and was asked to share what I've learned serving as a full-time missionary. I've only been here for three months, but I have learned A LOT. Do you have a million years to sit & listen? Because I have at least ten million lessons I've learned so far. There is one lesson that stands out most to me though, and it's this: God loves me.

It was a regular Monday afternoon, the busy kind where we prepare ourselves for the upcoming week. Everything seemed fine, but then in an instant it wasn't. The tears came and they just would not stop. It's not unusual for me to cry, I'm an emotional person, but really?... again?! My poor companion! Let it be known that I have the most wonderful, patient, and forgiving companion out there (shout out to Sister Mendenhall!). We battled my bad day with some bottomless french fries, ice cream, and writing letters. As I was writing my parents, a thought popped into my head. I was reminded of a story I had heard numerous occasions about a young Gordon B. Hinckley serving a mission in England...

"As a new missionary serving in Preston, England, Elder Gordon B. Hinckley was facing a major trial in his life. He was sick when he arrived in the mission field, and he quickly became discouraged because of the opposition to the missionary work. At a time of deep frustration, Elder Hinckley wrote in a letter to his father that he felt he was wasting his time and his father’s money. A little while later, Elder Hinckley received a reply from his dad. It said, “Dear Gordon, I have your recent letter. I have only one suggestion: forget yourself and go to work."

Forget yourself and go to work, that's the part of the story that had always stood out to me. But this time it was different, this time Heavenly Father had a different message for me. It had finally donned on me... I'm not the only missionary who struggles! It was in that moment that I realized I'm not alone. I have missionaries around me who go through similar challenges, I have loving friends & family back home who support me and pray for me, my Mission President and his wife are the most amazing, caring, selfless people I know, and then there's my Heavenly Father, my Heavenly Mother, and my Savior - Jesus Christ. I am not alone.

Just a few days later I received a letter from my dad written the exact same day, talking about the exact same story, highlighting the exact same point. In that moment it was reaffirmed... God loves me. If God loves me, then of course He loves YOU! It's no accident that the very first principle we teach as missionaries is that God is our loving Heavenly Father. I promise with all my heart that Heavenly Father knows and loves you on a very personal level. He wants to help you and is waiting to hear from you, let yourself notice how much He loves you.

The reality of being a new missionary

I loved the MTC! It was like being at the best summer camp with the best people, best spirit, best knowledge, and worst food (stick with the cereal, embrace the cafeteria lines, and celebrate on pizza night). You have to remember, serving a mission wasn't my plan. It was God's plan. So, when I got thrown into the action of missionary work I suddenly saw it was just that – work. Hard work! And it through me for an absolute loop. People tell you it's going to be hard but you either disregard such thoughts or fail to comprehend them altogether. This blog isn't going to be entirely rainbows and butterflies, I experienced some real challenges on my mission and I'm not afraid to admit that. But here's the thing to keep in mind, the Lord will not let us fall. Remember the "brotherly hands and determined arms that reached into the abyss of death to save us from our fallings and our failings, from our sorrows and our sins" (Elder Jeffery R. Holland, Where Justice, Love, and Mercy Meet). I wasn't falling to my death in the MTC, but I was indeed falling. God's grace is enabling, and I experienced that enabling power as a missionary time and time again.



September 27, 2013

First meal in the MTC was the worst meal. WORST MEAL EVER. For all those future missionaries out there, avoid the wraps and take into consideration 4pm dinner time.
We were split into three groups, each taking turns teaching different investigators. I learned the importance of kneeling for prayer and the power of singing hymns.

I had my first teaching experience and found out what they mean when they say "the MTC is hard". My companion and I both felt that our lesson didn't go well and - you know me, miss perfectionist - struggled with it throughout the entire day. I pretty much lost it during the last hour or so of the our final classroom instruction. It was personal/companion study time, and we were once again struggling to know what to teach our investigator. We went in with a message prepared and tried to make that work instead of individualizing the message. I'm experiencing the overwhelming "how can I do this?" feelings that come when learning to be a good missionary.

Overwhelmed and frustrated. I need to really pray for help and confidence.

And when I had said this, the Lord spake unto me, saying: Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness; And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them (Ether 12:26-27).