Help thou mine unbelief

Snow day yesterday! I keep getting dizzy randomly. That's what
happened when I got sick a couple weeks ago, I would get dizzy and
then next would come the nausea. I threw up again this week, but I
don't know what's going on with me. I hope the dizziness stops. Does
stress cause such symptoms? Or am I just not over whatever I had a
couple weeks ago? Sister Fifita was also sick last week so I had quite
a bit of time on my hands. I ended up watching the district and had a
really neat experience because of it. When people talk about how they
came to know the Book of Mormon is true, it seems as though they
prayed and just like that they knew. I never had an experience like
that, and rarely do. It's not that Heavenly Father isn't answering my
prayers, but rather he speaks to me in different ways. That night
sister Mendenhall and I taught Patrick about the Book of Mormon and
quite literally confounded the wise... that was a time where the Holy
Ghost bore witness to me that the Book of Mormon truly is the word of
God. Sister Mendenhall was testifying and my heart was exploding (in a
good way). It's true what they say, that bearing your testimony
strengthens others. As I was watching the district, one of the elders
started talking about his experience with praying about the Book of
Mormon and knowing it was true. As I was listening to this elder talk
about the Book of Mormon I was overwhelmed with an
indescribable-my-heart-is-going-to-jump-out-of-my-body feeling. It
wasn't when I was praying that I got my answer about the Book of
Mormon, but I definitely got my answer. It is indeed the word of God.
I also gained a testimony of sharing your testimony. There's a pattern
here. Sister Mendenhall bore testimony of the Book of Mormon and by so
doing I felt the truthfulness of what she was saying. Elder Murray
bore testimony of the Book of Mormon in the district and it was his
testimony that strengthened mine. It's interesting that this is what
I'm choosing to share right now, because yesterday I was really
feeling down on my abilities and my knowledge. I often feel like I
don't know the doctrine of the scriptures very well, and maybe I
don't, but I do know what I feel and I do know my testimony. I think
that's the most powerful part of a lesson, the testimony, not the
doctrine. Without a testimony, a lesson is just facts. Without a
testimony, it's just you talking, not the Holy Ghost. Share your
testimony! You never know, you might be the !answer to someone's
prayer.

Feelings of inadequacy seem to be a pretty regular thing for me here.
The perfectionist within is Satan's go-to. As I was writing my letter
to President Cooke today, I was able to reflect on where I'm at. This
week I really struggled with feeling adequate as a representative of
The Lord and as a companion. We had a couple experiences yesterday at
the VC where I felt like I wasn't being a very good teacher. I even
feel like I don't know how to properly plan. And then we got the call
from the APs stating that the study plan for this transfer is number
five, and what's the first thing we're asked to study?... Daily
planning. Heavenly Father is certainly looking out for me. He really
does know what my weaknesses are and wants to help me overcome them.
And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give
unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient
for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble
themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak
things become strong unto them. (Ether 12:27)

I think that's one if the hardest parts of serving a mission, noticing
your weaknesses more than ever before and not knowing how to deal with
all of them. I think I need to start with one and refine that one area
of my life and remind myself that perfection is not possible. Heavenly
Father never asked me to come out here and be a perfect missionary, He
just asked me to come out and do my best. I sometimes still wonder why
I came on a mission and every time I start to think about that
Heavenly Father reminds me why. "Therefore, if ye have desires to
serve God ye are called to the work" (D&C 4:3). I had actually read
that scripture before leaving on a mission and received a witness from
The Lord that he was calling me to serve because of the deep desires
in my heart. Even though I say that serving a mission was the last
thing I wanted to do with my life, that scripture tells me otherwise.
I love Heavenly Father, I know this gospel is true, and I know enough
to help others feel those same things in their life. That is why I was
called to serve a mission. As President Uchtdorf reminds us, "doubt
your doubts before you doubt your faith."

Sometimes we make plans and then everything falls through and even
though it's really discouraging at the time, you eventually see that
Heavenly Father was just closing one door so you could open another
one, a better one. We had plans to take a less active to the VC for a
tour, and after hours and hours of asking and searching we eventually
found her a ride. She ended up not being home when we went to pick her
up, and we had to cancel the tour. We were with Daniel (you remember
right?!... Best member missionary EVER!) who has really befriended our
investigator, Gabriel. We randomly called Gabriel, picked up him and
his sister Tobie and went for ice cream. We then went back to tobie
and Gabriel's to eat ice cream and have a spiritual thought. We shared
with Gabriel the Mormon message patterns of light - the spirit of
revelation. Elder bednar so perfectly describes the way we get answers
from God. Watch it!! We ended up inviting Gabriel to be baptized on
March 23rd. I think he was pretty shocked, but he said he'd pray about
it. We're going over tomorrow to follow up. Moment of truth! He's so
ready, he just needs some help seeing it. That's why we were so blunt
with our invitation. The spirit was definitely a part of that lesson,
I felt it and he surely felt it, now he has his agency.

We had a wonderful lesson in relief society sunday. It was combined,
the home ward, the YSA and even the young women were there. We talked
about visiting teaching, which totally made me think of your email
mom! So cool that you got a letter back from Sister Oscarson! The
stake relief society president shared some really neat experiences she
has had throughout her  life and I was just really touched by how
selfless the women of the church are. Those who already have so much
to do for their own families, take extra time to help others. Sister
Nayeli Johnson (look her up on FB - she's under my friends) was the
last to speak and I was just bawling because I love her so much. Even
though we work with the YSAs, I've had the opportunity to get to know
sister Johnson and to even serve her! I think that's when my love for
her really grew - when we went over and cleaned her kitchen for her.
The Johnson family is moving in May, so I'm extremely grateful that
they were here while I was here. Their family is so missionary work
oriented and just such an inspiration to me. I really do love the
people I get to associate with and if we ever go to Texas as a family,
we're meeting up with the Johnson's!

As I'm writing right now, I'm really missing you all. I know I'm
surrounded by great people, but i really miss MY people. I couldn't
ask for a better family to be a part of. Distance really does make the
heart grow fonder. I wish I could adequately express how much i love
you all. I know this is where I'm supposed to be, but that doesn't
mean I don't sometimes miss home and long to be with those I love the
most.

I got my first real street contact referral last week! We were out
searching for former investigators and Daniel was actually with us.
The kid we were looking for wasn't home, and as we were walking back
to the car we saw some guy outside putting air in his tires and
listening to some Jamaican music. I tried to wave and say hi but he
didn't see me. As we kept walking I kept feeling like I needed to be a
better missionary and talk to this guy. I ended up saying something
out loud and Daniel told me to go back. So we did. I told him I liked
his music, invited him to the VC, and ended up inviting him to meet
with missionaries. Got his name, number, and address! And that's what
happens when you go back, you find a potential family for some
missionaries to teach. A monumental moment in my mission for sure. I'm
glad that Daniel was there and that he pushed me to go back. He has
helped me in countless ways. I've definitely gained a new friend out
of this too. I will certainly keep up with him and his life once i go
home. Yay for FB helping me do that!

Sunday we had a really great experience at the VC. Steve, a less
active, randomly showed up at church so Daniel suggested we all go to
the VC that night for a tour. Notice how Daniel suggested it, not
us... told you he was the best member missionary ever. We've been
trying to work with Steve for a while now, but haven't been sure on
how. He's pretty closed off so it's been hard to get to know him but
we had an amazing experience at the VC! We all left with a renewed
sense of who we are and what our relationship is/can be with Christ.
The entire tour was about Christ and we talked a lot about the
atonement. We watched "finding faith in Christ" and I think that was
the major turning point for Steve. We ended up having a really great
discussion with him afterwards. When I asked him what he gained of
learned from the VC that night, he said it was that the love if Christ
is real and that he felt it. He's been going through some stuff
lately, so I'm so glad he was able to feel that love yesterday. While
that lesson was for Steve, I gained a lot myself. I hadn't had the
greatest day and I was able to see that despite all my weaknesses, I
have the ability to help others. Something I said that night helped
Steve in some way. I matter. To The Lord, to this area, and to this
mission. I don't always feel that way, but yesterday for a brief
moment I did. The thing that stood out most to me in the "finding
faith in Christ" movie was when a man brings his son to Jesus to cast
out the evil spirit and Christ asks him if he has the faith that his
son can be healed and the man quickly replies with a definite yes! And
then Christ gives him this look, and you can just tell that he knows
exactly what this man is feeling and thinking and the man replies
again saying, "Lord, help thou my unbelief". Sometimes all we're asked
to do is have faith in Christ and even with that one thing we're
asked, Christ helps us do it. I feel like that was what I needed. Yes
I'm inadequate, but The Lord is not. I think I need to go to him with
that same statement, Lord, help thou mine unbelief.

I love you all so much and I'm so grateful for your prayers and
support! SEND ME MISSIONARY MOMENTS! I want to hear about the
experiences your having at home! All of you!!