FRIENDS! FAMILY! hello!
another week has come and gone with it's own challenges and miracles. i am discovering that mission is so hard. people tell you that a mission is hard, but until you serve you cannot fully understand what they mean. my weaknesses are exposed ten-fold and my vulnerabilities are even more accessible to satan than before. he knows how to make me feel bad about myself and he knows how to make me miss home and desire to be there. he is really trying to stop me from fulfilling my purpose as a missionary. i was reading in alma this morning about moroni preparing for war. he sent in spies to find out what the lamanites were planning so he could better prepare his army. i learned that i need to do the same for myself. i need to figure out exactly how and when satan is trying to bring me down so i can fight against him. i KNOW that i'm supposed to be here and that there are specific people that i'm supposed to help - one of which i met the other day at the visitors center. i'm discovering that helping people on a mission does not mean i baptize them and introduce them to the gospel entirely, but rather i give words of encouragement, remind them that god loves them, and even share my own love for them. i think i will end up planting a lot of seeds, but i may not be around when they turn into trees.
so, i got a speeding ticket the other day. we got the call this morning. the streets in maryland are crazy! one minute it's 40 mph and then in 2 seconds it's 35, and then 5 seconds later it's back at 40. okay, so maybe the second thing is in exaggeration, but the speed limit is constantly changing and the signs are not always easy to see. worst part, they aren't actual cops, instead they have these cameras at the intersections. there is no avoiding them. i was actually really upset that i got a ticket and i let it get me down. i felt mad that i wasn't more aware, but i have to remember that i am still new here and the streets are crazy, so i quite literally didn't know. it was an honest mistake. [mom/dad, i'll be paying for that out of my account at home. sis mendenhall and i are supposed to split the cost - i'm supposed to have $200 in there at all times for emergencies... i also need to use that card today to buy a blanket and some other things from target. i contemplated having you send me that comforter, but i think a blanket will be better so i will buy that today].
we had interviews with president cooke & sister cooke last week! BEST THING EVER. i love them so much. i couldn't pick two better people to take care of me while i serve here. i've been struggling with my prayers lately, feeling like they aren't very heartfelt. i wonder if it's because i'm tired or because i don't have the privacy i once did at home. PRAY VOCALLY! you don't realize how important that really is until you are put in a position where you can no longer do so. sister cooke really taught me that night about prayer. she told me that she sometimes pictures herself kneeling at the feet of heavenly father and heavenly mother (sister cooke is always including heavenly mother, and i love that she does). she painted the picture of literally kneeling there and having your head in their lap and them stroking your hair. i felt so overwhelmed with love in that moment. i knew that what she was telling me would work if i tried (i haven't yet). just hearing about it helped me feel my heavenly father's love for me. i know he wants to help me and i know i need to be more open with him. i need to talk with him the way i talk with you. president is so confident in me and sees the best parts of me. i'm so grateful for him and even though i've said it before i really mean it - there is no other mission president i could have served under. i feel so so blessed to be here. this is the absolute hardest thing i've ever done in my life, but it's also the greatest thing. i love my family and friends more than ever before and i also love the lord more than ever before.
LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!
and thank you for the letters! heavenly father always gives me mail on the days i need it most. it's such a blessing to have so many wonderful people writing me. please please keep writing!
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